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By visiting this site, you read at your own risk. I am known for errors in grammar and spelling. If you become less intelligent by reading this site, become incredibly bored, or are disgusted by what you read - you were warned. Furthermore, I will not be held responsible for ANY mental, emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual damage to you, your friends, your family or strangers. I apologize to my friends and family if I embarrass you. I reserve the right to edit any and all comments on this blog. I also reserve the right to humiliate you if you dare say anything negative about me, my friends, my family, or strangers who I like.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Dad, Jessica, Grandma, Mom - in front of Rockefeller Center
Friday, November 19, 2004Leaving on a Jet Plane
Well, the Griswolds are at it again - this time, to take on The Big Apple.
Although I wish I could say it was solely a vacation, it's not. I'm flying into New York on Sunday, working through Wednesday then picking up the folks for a Thanksgiving not soon to be forgotten. This will be the first year that we have taken this type of trip. Because my brother is in Oklahoma ("blowing shit up") with the Marines, he won't be joining us in the latest adventure. (We'll send you postcard, saying WISH YOU WERE HERE!). We are going to do all the cliche New York city stuff - you know, take in the Macy's Day Parade, sightsee, eat, yadda, yadda, yadda.
To tell you the truth: I CAN'T WAIT! I'M SO EXCITED! I've been to New York once before and I absolutely fell in love with the city. When I found out that I was going to be going there around Thanksgiving, I called my mom and asked if she and my dad would like to join me for the Holiday. And thus, here we are...
I love winter and everything about winter: Winter clothes, winter weather, winter decorations, the smells of winter, winter food - ahhh. This will be my first Holiday in winter weather ~ half of you are probably laughing at me right now saying something along the lines of "Rookie - she has no idea what she's in for". Hey, live and learn right?
Wish us luck as we have to put up with each other during the next few days... I'm sure I'll have a funny story or two when all is said and done.
Thursday, November 18, 2004My Five Foes
Last week, to my horror, I realized the inevitable. There it was, staring me in the face... Friends, I'm getting older. And now there is proof. Five little grey hairs of proof.
I found these foes as I looked at myself in the mirror, while at school. For some reason, the light here is better than my apartment bathroom - it tells the truth. And there they were: Towards the right side of my head and in a clump. Does this mean that I'm going to have that grey-haired streak going?
At first, I didn't know what to do. Do I pull them? What if those wives tales are true - you know, pull one and two grow in its place? Do I cut them and try to pretend like they don't exist? Do I start dying my hair to mask these monsters? WHAT?!?!?!
It's been a few days now and I'm starting to accept my fate. The healing process has begun. I've already been through the "Quarter-Life Crisis," so I can't even look forward to that. I've come to a more mature state-of-mind where I just accept these things. (And kick and scream and cry when I get home!) However, I'll admit that every time I go into this bathroom now, I try to look for the little devils, or perhaps their friends... YOU LITTLE BASTARDS BETTER BE ON THE LOOK OUT! I'M GONNA GET YOU!
(By the way, if you're wondering what I did with them - I had my friend pluck the little suckers out, and now I'm hoping that two won't grow in their place.)
Wednesday, November 17, 2004A Letter To Other Normal People
Because we all know how passionate I am towards media, freedom of speech, and this ugly right-wing government, here is an interesting topic.
I was listening to a local radio show (106.7 - KROQ) this morning and they brought up an interesting topic of censorship and the FCC. If you’re not familiar – here are some highlights: People became outraged over the opening of Monday night’s football game on ABC when a star of the recent ABC hit, Desperate Housewives, dropped her towel and the audience saw her BACK. That’s right – didn’t see anything except a grown woman’s BACK. Furthermore, FOXs flop of a t.v. show, Married by America, had such an outcry against the premise of the show that it was promptly pulled off the air. (Nevermind that America didn’t take too well to the show and ~by their own accord~ didn’t watch the show.) By the way, this supposed outcry involved an influx of mail – 159 letters, to be exact. Oh, yes, those 159 letters ACTUALLY only boiled down to 3. 2 of those 3 were original letters and the rest were all copies a letter. What a joke! Last Thursday, Saving Private Ryan was pulled from 66 networks across the country, because there was concern that it may be too much for the audience to handle. Has America really become this prudish monster? Since when are people NOT empowered to turn OFF the television, or God forbid, CHANGE THE FLIPPING CHANNEL? Anyway, this morning’s KROQ show brought a lot of these issues to light. Their guest, Jeff Jarvis, was articulate and a no-bullshit kind of guy. His blog site is http://www.buzzmachine.com/.
Here’s a great article, from today.
By Jeff Jarvis:
Americans like sex: This is getting ridiculous. No, it got ridiculous months ago. Now it's getting stupid. The latest in the prudes' war in America: A supposed flood of complaints to ABC for a joke that showed absolutely nothing naughty before a football game: a star of Desperate Housewives drops her towel and hugs a football player. Flood? I wouldn't believe it. Look at my reporting on the supposed flood that came in complaining about Married by America: a flood of three. But still, the Today show this morning talks about the flood and tsk-tsks when they should be saying: What the F? What's so wrong with that? As Joe Territo says: "Can't we have a little sex with our violence?"
I'm going to start a site that allows all us sane, normal, red-blooded Americans send thank-you notes to the networks -- and the FCC -- every time there's a hint of sex or colorful language on broadcast.
Thank you, ABC, for showing a little naked back. We like pretty women. We like sex. We're male. We're American.
Thank you, Pitt player, for getting so excited you couldn't help yourself and you said the F word. It's nice to see someone excited about something these days. Some for you, Bono.
Thank you, Steven Spielberg, for making soldiers human and letting them speak like real Americans. We need more honesty.
And as for your prudes who are making it your lifes' work complaining and getting stupid ass media to talk about it: Get a life.
If anybody can find a Torrent of the ABC promo, please put a link in the comments. It couldn't be tamer.
IT'S A JOKE, FOLKS!
We're at risk of outlawing a sense of humor in this country just to satisfy a tiny band of prudes, prigs, and religious nutjobs.
Tom Biro found the end of it here. Watch and judge for yourself.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004They Always Come Back
I have this theory about men... well, a few theories really but I'll just stick to one today... THEY ALWAYS COME BACK!
Let me explain. It would seem that in my recent dating experience, I have met some really great guys who don't know what a good thing they've found until it's too late. The realization of their good find usually doesn't hit until oh, about six months after the fact. Within the last two weeks, two men that I had dated earlier in the year CAME BACK. Not just came back, like "Hi, how are you?" but rather "Hi, how are you? Want to sleep together again?" Uhhh... yeah... Both of them have even said that they had thought about me a lot during those six months! Is this just a line or what...?
And it's not just these two! There have been others! I suppose I should feel good that I had made such an impression, but dammit, get a clue when we're actually dating! Nowadays, I should just tell men who want to stop seeing me, "That's fine; you'll be back in six months."
Usually, it's just one guy that comes back. The only guy that I really WANT to come back: Joe. And of course his timing is impeccable - he always calls or shows up just when I've moved on in my life. It's sort of funny, but at the same time, disheartening.
What is it about guys? The right ones always COME BACK at the wrong time.
Monday, November 15, 2004New'Olins
New Orleans, Baby! Whooo Hooo! (Of course, when you're there, it's pronounced New'Olins...)
The last few days were spent at a Q-Tip Conference in New Orleans. (Q-Tip meaning, of course, old lady.) While it was a great Conference, it was the time spent outside of the hotel that REALLY made the trip memorable.
Because I didn't know too many people there, I had to make friends - okay, easy enough. I quickly made 3 good friends and we were sort of like peas in a pod and others would come and go... We were, by far, the cool ones.
I'll change names here, to protect the privacy of those who wish to remain anonymous:
So, there we are in New Orleans. Bourbon Street was two blocks away which made it easy and convenient to be out until ungodly hours of the night (uh, um, morning). We collected enough beads to fit in, but managed to acquire them while keeping our integrity in tact. We drank enough to get a good buzz and to feel it the next morning, but nobody got too stupid or too drunk. (Love them hurricanes!) We made friends on the street and made fun of everyone else (just because we could - remember WE were the cool ones). We even ended up at (what Daniel likes to refer as) THE BOOBIE BAR.
THE BOOBIE BAR - Now, this was my first time at one of these - plus, it was a male and female show (yay, something for everyone!). The night we went to this, there were 4 guys and 3 girls in our group. We quickly made our way to the back corner of the bar. There were boobs everywhere. I thought it was kind of funny that the three women kept comparing ourselves to them: "My boobs are bigger than hers," "She has more cellulite than I do," "Wow, she's fat.." Yeah, we didn't play into our gender roles at all - insert the roll of the eyes here. I watched, sort of mesmerized, at the stage performance. This guy and girl were practically doing it there, right on stage! While I wanted to be sickened by this, it was a train wreck that I couldn't peel my eyes away from. They were doing tricks and moves that I've never seen before and damn he had a package!!! I guess it helps to have a pole around...
Anyway, besides the bar, there was a lot to do, see, and eat in New Orleans. I probably gained five pounds with all the crap we ate, but it was worth it. Oh, I have to mention the po'boy sandwiches: Apparently, this is a big thing down there. But really, I don't understand why. Okay, so it's a big sandwich. What's the big deal? For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about - a po'boy is like a giant sub sandwich but with special New Orleans bread. I didn't find them to be anything worth writing home about... Take it for what you will. Or not. I really don't care either way.
If you find yourself in New Orleans, you won't be disappointed. Three days was just enough time to see enough and not get too bored. The nightlife is to be expected and the music is fantastic (didn't have a chance to go into a jazz club, but from what I could hear, it was AWESOME). Every type of person imaginable can be found in New Orleans - young, old, and everyone in-between. (The funny thing is to observe the clientele at each of the bars - mid-life crisis ladies at the rock bars, young wanna-be rappers at the modern-day disco infernos, and modern-day snobs on the outdoor patios. It was great.) I suggest leaving the kids at home because things are a little more mature (why people were pushing baby strollers in the street is beyond me). Remember, too, that just like all cities you have to be careful - more than a few times, I had to dodge the cat-calls and avoid stepping in the questionable substance on the street.
Thank you, New Orleans, for your warm hospitality and your cheap thrills. I loved it!
Sunday, November 14, 2004Totally Uninteresting
I'm so bored, I can't stand it.
It's a beautiful day and all I'm doing is sitting at home, catching up with my dear friend TiVo. But now even TiVo has gotten boring.
I'm so bored and so alone. I love that part in the movie, "L.A. Story" when Steve Martin writes with a marker on his window:
I think of that every now and then.. then promptly try to find a marker.
Instead, I think I'll go paint my toes...
Wednesday, November 10, 2004Stupid Girl
Don't you hate it when you sit in two-hour traffic to go surprise someone at work, only to find out that he's already left?
Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.
You would think that I would learn!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Katelyn and Jessica
"I'm a happy girl!"
Yesterday morning was exciting... I got ready for work early and decided to do a couple of errands before I headed into the office. As I was about to step off the elevator and into the day, I almost smashed into a guy who was on his way into the garage. He was tall, perfectly tanned skin, light eyes, wearing jeans, a shirt and a St. Louis Cardinal's baseball cap. Things like this don't happen to me - I don't meet gorgeous men in the lobby of my apartment building. Was I dreaming?
Of course the next thing to do was think of something clever to say... Dammit, how come nothing is coming? Crap, I know that as soon as he's out of sight I'll think of the most brilliant thing... Oh, what's a girl to do? ...So, of course, I blurt out the first thing I can think of -- "Tough series, huh?" At least with a comment like that, he would know that I was somewhat in-tune with the sports world. He gave me a winning smile and started talking about what a great adventure it was just to get to the World Series, blah, blah, blah (I wasn't paying attention, because I was too busy admiring how gorgeous he was!). I was walking close enough that I could smell his aftershave... mmm... We parted ways in the parking lot (of course he had to get into the cool black mustang) and the day officially began. We even went the same direction for about the first ten minutes of the morning drive! Whoo hoo!
I know it's not much, but hey, at least this one is geographically desirable! Now, I have something to look forward to when I get home - even if it is a glimpse of the cool black mustang in the parking lot.
Monday, November 08, 2004Mediocre Monday
Monday mornings are just kind of blah to begin with - but especially today. Maybe it's the weather, maybe the mind hasn't quite gotten over the weekend, maybe it's the candle on my desk... Couldn't really tell ya...
One thing is for certain: When I drive up the hill to my home away from home, I see the same old man jogging in his bright yellow shorts, I see the little Latina lady walking the snow-white dog, and I know I'll have a warm greeting when I step in the door of the Office. There are certain things about my day that are constant - these are the little things that I look forward to each and every day.
It's a Mediocre Monday, but it's all mine.
Sunday, November 07, 2004Not North... Not East
MOOOO... That's what I feel like saying every time I fly a certain airline. I hate it. They have this stupid system whereby all the passengers are put into groups (A, B, or C) - based on what, I really don't know. The A group gets to board first, then B, then C. It used to be first come, first serve - once you checked in (either at the counter or at the gate) you got a number and then everyone boarded the plane based on their number. But now, you can check-in online and avoid the wait in line. How unfair is that to the guy who gets there an hour early, but now has to wait because he was put into the "C" group? Now he has to sit at the back of the plane just because he didn't get to be Internet happy at midnight? Oh no, I'm sorry - he isn't quite old enough to make it into the "pre-boarding" line... Something's wrong here...
Fortunately, this system works in my favor. I usually print up my boarding pass before I get to the airport and am one of those obnoxious people who gets there early and sits right in front. AND next to the window! Ha! But, it still sucks that we all now have to wait on the ground until the rush to the door begins. -Nevermind those jerks who cut in line, just because they happened to be standing close by.
What happened to the days of assigned seating? Is it really so difficult? This way, people know exactly what they're in store for - no worries about where you're going to fit your luggage, what time you arrive to the airport, if you and the hubby are going to sit next to one another... you know, how NORMAL airlines do it. Whoever came up with this lame idea should be shot.
But then again, you get what you pay for right?
Saturday, November 06, 2004Baby Girl
This weekend I got to fly up and see 'my baby girl' (aka - Katelyn!). She has just passed the nine-month mark and she is more beautiful than ever.
Katelyn's mom and I were roommates, sorority sisters, and close friends in college. Nowadays, I miss her more than ever. She is one of my closest and dearest friends ~ a woman with a good heart, a great sense of humor, and the best hugs a friend could ever ask for! And now she's a mother to this beautiful little girl.
The weekend was over much too quickly. It always is. It's amazing that three adult people can sit around and be entertained by a nine-month old... even the littlest of things (a smile, a grunt, a successful hand-to-the-mouth-with-a-fist-full-of-Cheerio's event) is enough. She is growing up so fast; the infant is almost a toddler, from baths in the sink to the bath in the tub, from baby clothes to little person outfits... Sigh...
I love you Katelyn. I love you for all that you are and all that you're going to become. You are surrounded by love everywhere - even when the world seems cruel and unfair. You are a beautiful angel and you have made our lives that much better by just being here.
Muah ~ love, Aunt Jessie
Friday, November 05, 2004405
There is a very strange thing that I've noticed occurs on our beloved 405 freeway. As I sat in traffic Wednesday night, going from Palos Verdes up to Woodland Hills, I was reminded of a very peculiar phenomenon... Between Culver City and Westwood, there is a stretch of the freeway that is divided by a short wall. Now, when you get a bunch of people sitting in their cars on the freeway on a boring afternoon we all start to watch one another. You sort of develop a bond with the other drivers in the lane next to you, notice the ones who are too "cool" to notice you, or desperately try to avoid eye contact with others. Well, as I was sitting in this fantastically slow traffic I really started to pay attention to drivers on the other side of the freeway. In most instances, they were paying attention to us on our side, too. While I only had a few seconds to watch each person (or persons) in their vehicles, it was fascinating!
After a few minutes, I could identify "types" of people based on their cars. There were the soccer moms in their big-ass SUVs, corporate men on their cell phones (driving luxury cars, of course), college students or other twenty-somethings in their hand-me-down cars (this would include me), red-neck guys in trucks with wheels that were taller than me (I know, I'm short, but come on!), old-lady bimbos with blonde hair and face-lifts driving the Mercedes, and the short little gardners who check out any woman who seems to have a pulse. I could usually guess the type of person that was going to be driving the car, just based on my stereotype. That's of course not to say that there weren't a few anomalies to my rule - they were just few and far between.
Well, of course, there were a couple of guys that caught my attention. I thought about making a sign saying "Hey! Wish you were on my side so I could flirt with you!" but didn't have a pen ready or available. Next time... next time...
The 405: most people hate it. I've found an entertaining bright spot in this horrid Monster. Next time you're there - check it out. (If you're sitting in traffic, it won't be hard to miss!)
Thursday, November 04, 2004So Cute
Don't you hate it when you're talking to a really hot guy and two hours later you realize you had a big speck of pepper in your tooth? Yeah... CUTE
Wednesday, November 03, 2004Canada Seems Nice
This country is headed for TROUBLE. Again. It's hard to know what to feel - pissed off, disillusioned, anxious, scared, dumbfounded... I woke up with a sinking feeling in my heart and angry words in my head.
As a woman, I can't help but feel betrayed. As I was watching the news last night, I heard that middle-America voted for the candidate who they thought would represent "morality." Are you telling me that middle-America actually believes that Bush (aka - the corporate puppet) represents a M-O-R-A-L government? You've got to be kidding...
I really didn't want to post anything too political, but I'm just so scared about the next four years. Those things that matter to me (education, employment, abortion rights, gay-marriage rights, the economy, immigration, foreign policy, freedom of speech, freedom to choose religious beliefs, AND MORE) are being controlled by a right-wing political machine who refuses to listen. I'm left feeling more vulnerable and betrayed than ever.
So much for progress.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004Ron Livingston
You know those guys that you're attracted to, even though you can't describe why? That's my infatuation with Ron Livingston - the guy from "Office Space," "Swingers," "Sex and the City - Season 5," "Band of Brothers," "Little Black Book," and more... (Go to this link to find out more http://livingstonsite.tripod.com/)
It was about a year ago when I was sitting in the airport, on my way up to San Francisco for work. It was an early Saturday morning - nothing too exceptional about it. I had just gotten settled into a seat at the gate when this guy sits down in the row right across from me with a bag of Mickey D's and a cup of coffee. I recognized him immediately - even though the shaggy hair, baggy jeans, and patched-up backpack were nothing like what I would have expected. He was beautiful. I sat there and pretended to read my intellectually stimulating book while he ate his breakfast. What's a girl to say in a moment like this? I kept looking up, pretending as if I didn't care who he was... Even though he knew better... It was an awkward eye-avoidance game that we played. Finally, he got my attention and smiled at me - made a direct and conscious decision to do so. I felt like an idiot - I had been caught and he called me on it; no words required.
So now I had to say something. Something smart; something witty. My friend, Geoffrey, says that this next part is one of the best things he's ever heard. So, I says to him (and these are the exact words) "You know, you used to be on my top five list." I was so coy, so smooth, and so deliberate, even I wanted to have sex with me. He smiled and from then on, it was clear sailing. We chatted about life, about work, about travel, about where we were from... you know, the small talk that you do with strangers. Only this was no stranger. It was one of my top five! I felt like this was one of those opportunities in life where you just have to go out on a limb and see what happens... I seriously doubt that I will ever meet any of my other top four guys! I wanted to be memorable! I wanted to be "that girl" that made him feel special on "that one day." Nevermind that I may have made a fool of myself - I WAS MEMORABLE!!! AND NOW MEMORABLE ME WAS TALKING TO HIIIIIIM!
As we shook hands and said our good-byes, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I don't remember what happened after that. Somehow, I got on the plane and went about the daily routine of work - but in a blissful haze. I told the story to my then-roommate, Al, who promptly looked up all his facts and bios for me (when and where he was born, where he went to school, yadda, yadda, yadda). I'm doing my best to not become a psycho-stalker.
If he didn't have a girlfriend, I'm sure I would have scored some big points. Who knows, maybe I already have. I doubt that our paths will cross again ~ but in the mean time, I have a nice story to go along with an even better memory.