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By visiting this site, you read at your own risk. I am known for errors in grammar and spelling. If you become less intelligent by reading this site, become incredibly bored, or are disgusted by what you read - you were warned. Furthermore, I will not be held responsible for ANY mental, emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual damage to you, your friends, your family or strangers. I apologize to my friends and family if I embarrass you. I reserve the right to edit any and all comments on this blog. I also reserve the right to humiliate you if you dare say anything negative about me, my friends, my family, or strangers who I like.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005THIS Is Why I Like Him Soooo Much, People
Because instead of whining about all the crap I do or say on my website, he goes and starts his own.
www.mostnormalguy.blogspot.com - and just look at that address, could it be any more perfect?
I love this man. I love him, I love him, I love him.
It has come to my attention that I can be a little forthcoming of what others say/do (things which may be embarrassing or just plain inappropriate for the Internet). Well, it's my blog and dammit I'll post what I want to. Plus, being friends with me automatically sets you up for being used as "material" in these posts.
Let it not go unnoticed, however, that I have a sense of humor about myself. I am FAR from perfect - ask anyone. Did you get a chance to go back and read my WARNING LABEL from a while ago? If not, I encourage you to do so...
So, to even the score, here are a few gems of my own:
"Does Rhode Island have cars?"
"What does 'Earthquake Re-trofit' mean?"
When playing a game of class hangman in 7th grade, I blurted out the letter Z for the win. Our team didn't win.
"I'm going commando."
"Would you rather drink an 8 ounce glass of phlegm or an 8 ounce glass of garbage juice? I mean, if you HAD to."
...And that's just the beginning...
Monday, April 25, 2005You Just Never Know
Today I had a program in downtown San Francisco. It's always surprising to me, the people of a big city. Let me give you a rundown of a few of the people that I came into contact with today...
While walking to lunch on the street, a man in his beat up old Pinto kept honking his horn at me. I get kind of freaked out when people do that - horns scare me. Anyway, when I finally looked over at him he shouted "HEY BEAUTIFUL" as if I was supposed to do anything about it. Um, are you kidding me? Nonetheless, it was nice compliment and I suppose there were far worse things he could have said to me.
A woman came up to me, while I was working, and started talking about how she was an unemployed high school science teacher, but collecting wellfare because she couldn't find a job. After my initial surprise, I could understand why. She was obviously a very smart woman, but she had the social graces of a toad -- she just didn't GET IT. Whatever IT IS that most of us have innately, she didn't posses. I felt sorry for her - she was single mom with a Master's Degree and a decent head on her shoulders collecting wellfare due to lack of employment in education. She was nice enough and just so damn eager to chat that Ijust let her talk...
Within 20 minutes of the woman coming up to me, a guy came up ranting and raving about a bunch of crap of his own. I sort of "tuned him out" relatively soon... I had heard enough...
Leaving the program, a man passed me on the street as I was walking to my car. As he passed, he did that stare that brings the person's head all the way around - just watching me. I tried to ignore him; that is until he smacked right into a pole and got this silly grin on his face. I kind of did that half smile half ouch-that-looked-like-it-hurt face. He laughed it off and said, "You're just too beautiful." That was twice in one day. Damn. Made me feel really good (especially since I'm so self-conscious about this new hair thing I've got going.)
After getting home, my feet were very appreciative to just sit back and relax for a bit. The wine helped, too. But just now, I heard from the Birthday Boy himself and that was the very best part of my day. Especially when he tells me about his time with "the boys" at the Dodger game. It's times like that when I want to just reach through the phone and plant a big wet kiss on him. (And if you are a careful observer, you will note that a small section of this paragraph has changed so that I'm no longer talking about BUBBLE GUM FARTS. But of course I had to add it in here at the end.)
You just never know what type of people you're going to meet, what they'll say, what they will add to your life, how you will remember them, and who will affect you the most. I'm just sayin'...
Sunday, April 24, 2005This Old House
I'm traveling, again, for work. This will be the last of the trips for a while and I'm actually pretty thankful. Although of course I have to go out with the most exhausting trip of the year - the trip where we have long days, followed by long nights, hours of standing, hundreds of miles of driving, too much food, not enough sleep, and wishing more and more each day that I was sleeping in my own bed at home. Oh well, such is the life of this working woman.
The best part of this trip is being able to spend quality time with my grandparents. I've seen them more in these last five years than in the 21 years beforehand. This has truly become my "home" away from "home" and I've come to appreciate this "home" much more with every passing year. They live in a small community just north of San Francisco, called Mill Valley. They have the smallest house on the block - but even that is 3 stories. I've practically grown up here and the myriad of photos around the house will tell you the same. I remember, as a kid, spending hours in the back garden among the redwood trees. They have these small paths of stone outlining different sections of the backyard - I would take my tape player and listen to my ultra-cool 80s music while "discovering" unknown plants and bugs of the garden. The front yard, too, had it's own draw. There used to be a dog, Dixie, who lived next door. I would stand at the fence with my hand stuck through the gate to touch her coat and to tell her my secrets. Dixie was my only play friend on the street while I was growing up here, but she was always reliable and a good listener. Nowadays, I spend more time in the kitchen helping my grandmother whip up a batch of tapenade or drinking glasses of wine while listening to my grandparents talk about their most recent trip to Thailand. The kitchen is the most appealing part of the house now and I could spend hours there... I love this old house despite its quirks. And despite the fact that it is always FREEZING. It could be sunny and hot outside, but I swear, this house would be -10 degrees inside. It gets hardly any light and the spiders are abundant. But it's all part of the charm.
I love waking up in the morning and dreading to get out of the warm bed (because it's going to be freezing). But I also know that I can walk upstairs, throw a blanket around my shoulders and fix a hot cup of English tea and be right at home... I love it. And I love the laughter and conversation that has been had in this old house. It has truly become part of ME and I'm just so blessed to be able to be here.
This will be my last work-related trip for a while. I'm stationed in Northern California for eight days, having flown up Friday afternoon from San Diego. The great thing about working up here is that I get to spend time with family and friends - so this truly has become a "second home" to me. As I type, I'm freezing my ass off in my grandparent's house near San Francisco. I love this house, despite the ass-freezing temparature. I swear, it could be 80 degrees and sunny outside but it's always -10 degrees and dark inside. I blame it on the redwoods; then again, they're redwoods and are BEAUTIFUL... Anyway, I'm up here and loving it.
What I am NOT loving is the week ahead. It's going to be a hellacious week - not only because it's going to include hundreds of miles of driving, long days, late nights, an exhausting schedule and not a lot of time for play, but because I'm not home with the people that I really want to be with. Who knew that getting involved in a relationship would make me want to see that person so much? ...It's a nice change...
Speaking of which... Blair's birthday is on Monday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLAIR! I wish I could be there... Anyone else besides Blair can look away now. --LOOK AWAY.-- Okay. Blair, even though it would probably have turned out awful, I would have done my best to make you dinner and maybe even a cake. But since I'm not, your intestines will have to be spared until next time. I hope this year brings you nothing but happiness and well-being - you've already got me, so that's a step in the right direction! (Call me modest.) I can't wait to see you and am so happy for our time together. You've brought a new smile to my heart and I just adore you. OKAY, EVERYONE ELSE CAN LOOK BACK NOW!
In other news...
I had a chance to talk with my brother yesterday. He's got some big news (which I can't really talk about at the present time)... let's just say that I'm really happy for him. AND he's been promoted in the Marines! Congrats, Scott! We had a chance to talk very briefly - it was an unexpected conversation. I'm so proud of my brother and happy that he is happy.
I really have so much more to say, but it's nearly 1:00a.m. and I'm tired. Please forgive the uninteresting posts as of late... I'm usually much more witty.
Another thing: I changed my hair. And people, IT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD. I wanted to go for a darker look and instead came out with a reddish/plum thing. I'm hoping to have it changed within the next few weeks because I don't even recognize myself in the mirror - and that's never a good sign. If I wasn't so embarrassed I would show you all a picture; but take my word - I'll NEVER do this again.
Oh, and I suppose I should mention that Joe called. It turns out, he's not getting married after all. I'm happy for him - if there is ever a guy who SHOULD be single, it's him. We've crossed into a new friendship and I'm really happy about it. Maybe I've grown up a little. I think the idea of him and the memory of who he was to me at 16 years old has faded. Life has changed us both, for the better. I'm really looking forward to getting to know him again, as a friend. I hope he feels the same way.
I miss writing... I miss my home... I miss TiVo... I miss Blair... And I miss being warm in my bed (geez it's cold in here!)...
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYONE!
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Jessica and Blair
Tuesday, April 19, 2005Slacker
I know, I know. I've been slacking on the posts. There has just been so much going on since last Wednesday night that I haven't had time! Which is a good thing! You know my life is boring when I start posting every day - like in the beginning, last October.
Here's what has been going on in my life:
The rest of Wednesday night - Robbers never broke in. THANK GOD. Timing can be really funny, at times. I had posted the whole "freaking out" thing when not even five minutes later, my phone rang. It was a friend. A friend who gives me 100% comfort no matter what time of day or night it is. And he didn't even know he was doing it. We talked for about 40 minutes and by the end of the conversation, I was sure that nobody would break into our house without SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES. GOT IT, ANY WOULD-BE ROBBERS/MUGGERS/RAPISTS WHO LOOK INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES? I have a lot to say about this phone call - but now isn't the time...
Thursday - Had to work at really random times during the day. I had three hour "shift" from 9-12 and then a huge break and go back to work from 6-9. From 12 to 5 I did nothing but eat and sleep. If every work day was like that, I would be a happy camper. After work I got to spend time with Blair. He had a game that night, so he was running a bit late. But when we finally met up - FIREWORKS. And roses and beer (yay!). He bought me roses and beer (yay!). Do you hear me? ROSES AND BEER (yay!)!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS TO A WOMAN?!?! DO YOU? I wanted to do him right then and there.
Friday - Normal day. I was so glad to have been "done" with last week at work. It was just a really tough week... There were a few things that were happening at the office that just made the mood around here not so great. I can't go into detail, but let's just say that I'm happy it's OVER. That night, I drove out to Burbank to meet Blair for dinner. Across the street from where he works is IKEA. I have a friend who works there so I got a chance to catch up with him... That was good... Dinner was great - Blair's friends met us for dinner. I love double-dates like that - the conversation is always good and usually the laughs are abundant. This was no exception. Blair had bought a new t.v. that day, so his friends helped us move it - THANK GOD. There was no way I was going to be able to help bring the t.v. up his flight of stairs and I would have given myself an ulcer watching him try to do it on his own. The night ended late - but it was just the beginning...
Saturday - Finally got to sleep in! YAY for sleeping in! But DAMN for having a cold that wakes me up at 6a.m. and REFUSES TO LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP. DAMN YOU COLD VIRUSES! Know how to combat a cold? CHOCOLATE. And know where to get good chocolate? Solvang. Yep, it's true. We hit the road with the top down and drove up the coast to the quiet town of Solvang. The weather couldn't have been more beautiful and I couldn't have been more happy than to be sitting in the passenger seat next to the guy that makes me giddy.
Solvang was awesome. I haven't been there since I was a kid, so this was really a first-time trip for me. We went wine-tasting, chocolate-tasting, shopped, ate, made references to "Sideways," and enjoyed all that a Saturday afternoon had to offer. The only kink in the day was the damn speeding ticket that he got on the way back. (No, "we" did not get the speeding ticket. HE did.)
That night we headed to Burbank for a birthday party at a karaoke bar. His best-friend from high school is turning 29 years old, so we went to celebrate. AND HAD A FREAKING FANTASTIC TIME! Just when I thought things couldn't get any better from a perfect day...
Sunday - Blair had an early morning baseball game. We got up early and headed out - love my man in uniform. Grrr. I sat with a wife of one of the other players and her friend. After three hours, it was a no holds bard conversation. Girls do that. I guess it's only fair that if the boys are going to be boys on the field, then the girls are going to be girls in the bleachers. Right?
That afternoon, I got to meet his parents. They came over to his place to bring him an early birthday present (actually, two) and we all went to dinner. I was nervous, I'll admit - I haven't met a guy's parents in... oh... five years. I've met parents of guy friends - but that's not the same. You don't really care what kind of first-impression you'll give to parents of friends. But THIS. THIS was DIFFERENT. My parents mean the world to me and it's important that they like the person I'm dating. So, I just assumed that it would be the same for him. Which, I think it was. The good news is that I PASSED! The first-impression (however good or bad) has already been made and now I'm free to completely make a jackass out of myself. Which I'm sure I'll do. His parents are wonderful - of course. I was so glad to have met them and to learn a little more of the guy I was proud to be with all weekend.
Sunday night was the end of what was among the best "normal" weekends I've ever had. It was a weekend filled with friends, family, food, fast-cars, and a fine guy. What else could a girl want?
Thoughts of all that had happened ran through my mind as I fell asleep that night; close to him and in complete ecstasy.
Friday, April 15, 2005A Story
I imagine I'm on a quiet farm, surrounded by rolling hills of green.
I had a horse, once. He was a stallion and we would go for long runs among the hills. I felt safe with him. He would carry me through Life, no matter what the circumstance. He was part of me.
My stallion was a free spirit - one that could never be tied down. He stayed in my corral for a while, but when the wind would blow, he would look off into the distance. One morning, he was gone. The sky turned overcast and the wind blew through my very soul.
Days, then months, passed. My stallion never returned "home." Work around the farm kept me busy. The daily routine of living, day in and day out, took over. I became my own work-horse. But every now and then, I would look toward the hills, wondering if he was out there and if I would ever get to ride again. Sometimes I would stand in the corral, leaning on the fence post, looking out over the hills and I would imagine him standing there.
Then, on an ordinary afternoon, he was there. He was watching me from a distance. He had come to say hello to an old friend. But as quickly as he would return, he would be gone again. He still comes around, just to check in on me and to see that I'm still moving on with Life. I am. I do. I must.
My nomad of a horse is still wandering these hills, running free and moving where the wind takes him. I miss him; but would never dream of locking him up in a corral. He belongs to nobody but himself. I love him for that.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005Freaking Out
That was weird. Today I came "home" to my parent's house because I'm going to have to get up early and work out here tomorrow morning. I figured I would save myself from the morning commute - and sleep in that additional hour or so.
Tonight, though, as I was "resting my eyes" on the couch, the phone rang. It was 9:00pm exactly - I checked the time. When I answered the phone, I must have taken the caller by surprise. It was a male voice, asking to set up an appointment for the piano to be tuned. W-H-A-T?!?! When the gentleman identified himself with some obscure company and wanted to know if I would set up the appointment with him, I got a little freaked out. I told him that it wasn't a good time and that he should call back later. What piano tuning company calls at 9:00pm on a Wednesday night?
So of course all of these crazy thoughts start going through my mind... Is someone watching the house? Do people know that I'm here, alone? Anyone could peek in our windows and see that there is a piano - maybe they are robbers and had planned to break-in but because I answered the phone they changed their plans? These thoughts are keeping me up. I turned on an appropriate amount of lights in the house - just so that everyone knows that I AM HERE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE 9-1-1. But still...
These are the moments when I wish I had a friend to call. But it's late and I'm sure everyone is sleeping. Which is exactly what I should be doing... But maybe THEY are out there... WATCHING.
I think this cold medicine is going to my head.
By now you all should know that I've met someone and have been seeing him for a couple of weeks. Yes, it was that guy that got my dad the ticket to the World Series -- if you don't know what I'm talking about, you haven't been reading my site (at least not since March 24th). PAY ATTENTION.
He's just about the best damn thing I've dated since I announced TiVo was my boyfriend. (Coincidence that his last name rhymes with TiVo? I THINK NOT!) And what is even better is that he likes me THAT MUCH too! It's a mutual "likeness" - no pun intended! So when I told him that I wanted to talk about him on the Internet, I asked if I could use his name or if he would prefer an alias. He let me decide. So, I've been trying to come up with some names...
Here's what I've come up with so far: (A list - imagine that!)
1. Shmoopy: sort of a pop-culture reference to Seinfeld. "No, you're the shmoopy!"
2. Love-Muffin: uhhh... blink... blink...
3. Honey/Dear/Sweetie/Babe: these are all the typical ones. I'm tired of typical.
4. B.F.: his initials; but could that be any more boring and non-descript?
5. Newer Guy: but that might confuse people since the last guy I dated was "new guy" which then turned into "last guy" but was still being referenced to as "new guy" -- get it?
6. Number 24: but that could be really misleading - I don't want you all to think I'm a slut or that number 24 is MY number... oh no, no, no... it's HIS favorite number - not that I'm his number 24 (I'm actually very happy about that, but that's a whole other conversation) - but this just takes too long to explain and I really don't want to launch into a whole thing about the number every time I were to mention it... already this is too long so this just won't do.
7. Dodger: because he's a Dodger's fan and has season tickets. But I knew a guy named Dodger once - he was this really old guy with a funny shaped head. So everytime I hear the name Dodger, when it's not being referenced to sports, I think of that old guy. I don't to think about old men when I'm trying to tell the world about the amazing guy who I have the biggest crush on.
So, instead, I think I'll just stick to his name. It's a good name and I think it's about time I tell you all who I can't seem to get enough of. Blair. Even typing it feels good. Blair. Blair. Blair.
He makes this normal girl feel like the most amazing woman on the planet.
And any man that can do that deserves to have his name mentioned on the Internet. Blair.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005Even A Lobster Would Be Jealous
Sunday I went to a baseball game and got soooo sunburned. What made it that much worse is that I have the perfect farmer's tan sunburn lines going... on both arms/shoulders. The tops of my feet got a little crispy, too. Trust me, if you have never been sunburned on your feet - it hurts. A lot. Like hell. I don't recommend it.
But the sunburn was worth it. It meant that I got to be outside, watching one of my favorite sports, cheering for number 24 in that tight uniform. WHO SAVED THE GAME. Two words: DAMN HOT.
Friday, April 01, 2005Great Panty Raid of 2005
You won't believe what I came into the office to find this morning... I swear, I think it is the funniest April Fool's Joke I've ever gotten. I came in, put all my stuff down in my office - pulled out my "drawer" with my computer keyboard on it... And there was this HUGE pair of women's underwear with the word STOP on the front of it. It was nicely folded, just sitting there. On the back (butt) part, it read, NO. REALLY. STOP. I was laughing so hard, I was crying. Granny panties don't even begin to describe how huge this pair of underwear is! And the best part is all of those words were ironed on - like a cheesy version!
I started asking/accusing different colleagues about the panties. Nobody took credit for them.
So then, we are all ready to head out for lunch and I look through my purse (I don't even remember what for) and I see another pair of granny panties - but this time with paw prints and a couple of "pussy" cats on them. So I hide those in my desk drawer and don't mention it to any of my friends at lunch.
After lunch, I'm doing some work at my desk. I got called away for about 20 minutes and when I came back, there was ANOTHER pair of granny panties! But this time, my computer monitor was wearing them - with a note... (They corrupted my computer!) The note reads (in a very ransom-notesque way), "You have skillfully avoided mentioning the 2nd pair of unmentionables... can you ignore these?" Well how could I avoid such a blatant pair of panties! And on my innocent monitor!?!? They had "No?" ironed on them all over the front. So, I couldn't exactly hide this third pair from my colleagues (because I was laughing so loud).
About an hour ago, I was at my desk working when a pair of underwear comes flying at me and lands square on my papers. It's an even bigger pair of underwear with yet another "pussy" on the front of it. I look up to see my boss, my colleague from across the main office, and the guy down the hall standing there, waiting for my response. The three of them were in on it and THEY GOT ME, GOOOOOD. They had all been an integral part of the April 1st joke - even going over to one person's house to do the ironing all together!
I feel very blessed to have such good friends who can leave unmentionables in my office all day, who took the time to plan this whole thing out, and who care enough to walk into Sears and embarrassingly buy granny panties. In this case, I was definitely the "butt" of the joke.
Hope you had a Happy April Fool's Day!