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Friday, May 12, 2006IT'S OVER
It's over, it's over, it's over. My last class just ended and now it's time to CELEBRATE!! Where's the alcohol?
Thursday, May 11, 2006Music Moves Me
When my brother enlisted in the military, I sang him a song the day before we were to say good-bye.
When I fly home, there is a song that runs through my head - a part of it goes, "lights will guide you home." Yeah.
When I board the plane to fly to Boston, there is a song that runs through my head. Leaving on a Jet Plane.
When I think of Zak, I remember saying "music is in his soul." And he definitely dreams out loud.
When I think of my old best-friend David, I think of a song. When I think of Joe, there are songs. When I miss my friend Taylor, I think of songs. When I miss Blair, there are songs. When I think of my parents, there are songs.
When I need to be silly or need to be sad, there are songs.
Music moves me in ways that nothing else ever can. Just thought I would share.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006Wishing & Hoping & Praying (& Even A Little Bit Of Crying)
This is my last week as a student here. There are so many things going on, that I can't keep my head on straight. My stress level is through the roof and I don't have an ounce of creative juices left in my body. Plus, there are callouses that have developed on my hands from typing too many papers.
I've cried too many tears this week. Perhaps it's the exhaustion that is taking its toll. Regardless, I'm emotionally spent.
Nostalgia is beginning to set in, before I've left. I'm really sad about leaving this place; about saying good-bye to the life with ed-school-friends and school. I'm sad about leaving Cambridge. Mostly, I'm sad about closing another chapter in my book of life. While I know there is much to look forward to, things seem very foggy and unclear right now. I have no job. I have no money (and -loan- debt up the wazoo). I have no bedroom of my own. And I have no idea what is to come next.
Not having any sense of "control" is making things that much harder.
Today, in one of my classes, we got to "reflect" on our time here as a cohort. There were all kinds of warm fuzzies going on; but I just felt numb. I tried to take notes, because I have a paper due on this topic on Friday, but at the end of class all I had was a blank piece of paper staring back at me.
Lots of things seem blank these days. And it's not just the blank look on everyone's faces walking around the library. We're all in a daze - tired, confused, stressed, anxious.
I WISH I knew how to get out of this funk.
I HOPE that I will be able to enjoy these last few days.
I PRAY for sleep at night.
And I CRY over everything.
If there is a Chocolate-God out there, I could really use some support right about now.
Monday, May 01, 2006Harvard-Centric
Today, for the first time, I felt the enormity of the big H.
I was sitting in the main library, Widener, reading a book on leadership. I happened to look up and out the window - taking in the full view of the Yard outside. I then turned my attention to the gigantic hall that I was sitting in - when, it struck me. This is Harvard. This is what people want to see, feel, and be part of. And I was sitting there - in it. Among the millions of books, the time-honored tradition, the history and the glory - I was sitting in the epitome of the academic hall.
I walked around Harvard today - seeing it in a way that I had not seen before.
Why is it, that when I can count down the days before I leave, I'm already starting to miss this place?