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By visiting this site, you read at your own risk. I am known for errors in grammar and spelling. If you become less intelligent by reading this site, become incredibly bored, or are disgusted by what you read - you were warned. Furthermore, I will not be held responsible for ANY mental, emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual damage to you, your friends, your family or strangers. I apologize to my friends and family if I embarrass you. I reserve the right to edit any and all comments on this blog. I also reserve the right to humiliate you if you dare say anything negative about me, my friends, my family, or strangers who I like.
Monday, October 31, 2005Single, Plus One
It has recently come to my attention that I haven't changed part of my introduction, when you look at the heading of my blog. More specifically, that I'm not "single" anymore.
Okay, okay. Let me explain something... My mother always told me that I will be a single girl (technically) until there is a ring on my finger. I'm free to see whomever I want to, until then. If I decide that engagement and wedding plans are not for me, I'm allowed to have a boyfriend the rest of my life - but still remain single. (Yeah right, as if I would ever want to be single the rest of my life!)
As we all know, the real world doesn't exactly work like that. It's not as black and white - ring, no ring. Yes, I'm in a relationship. Sans ring, I'm still considered taken. Any guy who tries to approach me will quickly get the alert: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND (sometimes, not so subtly).
So, while I may not exactly be the single girl who is on the prowl, I'm still the "single" girl + one. And I love the +. In this lame attempt to clear up the confusion, I hope this helps.
To sum it all up: When I check the box on my tax forms, I still check "single."
Er, um, I think.
I saw a total of 3 people dressed up today. 2 of the 3 were adults! What happened to Halloween? Why aren't all the kids dressed up?
Wanna take a guess at how many trick-or-treaters I saw? Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. Nada. 0. Seriously, WHAT IS GOING ON?
I walked home from the bus station, thinking about Halloween of years past. One of our neighbors, Randy, used to do a spectacular set up on the neighborhood. I've never seen anyone out-do Randy's castle, dragon, wizard, flying witch, tombstone graveyard, sound effects, flashing lights, and more, that started out in front of his house and (over the years) migrated to take over his neighbor's house too. It was huge. People would come to our street, just to see Randy's display. Even the local news would show the enormity of it. It truly was awesome.
Randy moved away earlier this year. And with him, the kids. My parents said there were hardly any visitors to trick-or-treat around the neighborhood, this year. Whereas in years past, the door would hardly close and there would be another DING DONG, this year was not so busy. It makes me kind of sad.
How come, the older I get, the less spectacular all the Holidays become? The luster has been lost; and nothing is left to replace it.
Sunday, October 30, 2005Whiplash
Yesterday it snowed. It was the first snow of the season and it was MAGICAL. I wish the kids back home could have seen it. I called a ton of people - just hoping to share the experience with someone else. All I got was messages.. until grandma. My memere was home and she laughed and laughed with me in my excitement.
(This is the part when I shouldn't say that she called six hours later, when it was dark, to see if it was still snowing. She was "feeling good" and was cracking me up. Oh, happy grandma, have another one for your granddaughter.)
Today, though, it is 62 degrees and BEAUTIFUL. The air is crisp, the trees behind my apartment are bright shades of yellow and red, and the sun is casting a glow of the city. It's a perfect fall day.
The ladybugs have created quite the show on my windows. I must have counted eighteen on my five windows that line my walls. They have all come out to play, maybe for the last time this season. I keep telling myself that they are good luck ~ that so many are on my windows must be a good sign of things to come.
When I was a kid, I would play hangman with my friends. One of my favorite words to try to stump them with was "ladybug." It's only a seven-letter word with each letter different than the others. It was a good word and I usually hung my friends. ...Which sounds weird... Anyway, I've always had a quiet affinity for the bug and what better way to celebrate this time of year than to have them gather at my home?
So now I'm sitting at my computer, enjoying the sun, enjoying the bugs, and enjoying the best damn apple I have ever had in my life. It is soooo juicy and soooo sweet ~ Granny Smith sure does know how to grow 'em right.
Every sense is being touched: sight, sound, smell, touch and taste by the beauty of today. I might just have an orgasm off it all. (Somewhere, my mother is rolling her eyes.)
Enjoy the photos!
Saturday, October 29, 2005Kid In A Candy Store
Forget the Rain.
Our first snowfall of the season! This is amazing ~ it's sooo beautiful!
Friday, October 28, 2005An Update
So, there's lots swimming around in my head tonight. Here are a few things that are going on:
* I spent an hour and a half on the phone with one of my best friends in the whole wide world. And I still couldn't get enough. She's awesome.
* I spent 20 minutes on the phone with another friend, who decided to buy a ticket and come visit me next month. YAY!
* My parents left on a cruise to Mexico today. Viva tequila!
* I made myself a really good dinner tonight; just because I have food and I could!
* This weekend and next week are going to be my "shit" week - I've got two papers due and a group presentation due (with powerpoint). Alongside that, I expect to work at least 16 hours. The only saving grace to this shitty week is that Blair is coming next Saturday!
* The rain is on the way. Again.
* I have a bruise that had developed on the base of my hand, due to spending so much time on the computer.
* I talked with my brother tonight, who is serving in Iraq. He sounds good. But now, I just finished watching that new AMY GRANT show (anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a long-time AMY GRANT fan - I love the woman), and I want my brother to come home more than ever. I'm so proud of him.
* I guess that's about it. I feel like there was more to share...
Wednesday, October 26, 2005Advice From Those Who Have Gone Before
Tonight, as tired as I was, I decided to go to dinner with a few friends. Two of the friends had some experience with this program - one is a graduate (from last year) and one is a part-time student who has been in it for a year. They met in the program and are now engaged. (Aw, how cute, I know.) They both gave me some really valuable advice about everything that is going on these days.
1. Don't take things too seriously
2. Don't make any big or life-altering decisions while under stress ~ big decisions should be made with a level head
3. Know that we will all get through this program (as one person put it, even the worst person in the program gets an Ed.M.)
4. Don't let your health be sacrificed for stress
5. Remember to take advantage of everything here ~ it goes by so fast
I think #2 struck a chord with me. I definitely have NOT had a level head, lately, and I KNOW I'm not thinking clearly.
Before I came here, I was a reasonable and rational person (mostly). Now, I feel like a ball of neurotic stress - and everything is wrapped up in a hazy fog.
Please don't ask me complicated questions. Or even easy questions - even those are complicated. My heart might be in the right place, but my head is not. Trying to articulate ANYTHING takes effort.
And now I'm feeling this overwhelming need to clarify everything. What is with me? Oh, neurosis, please go away...
P.S. - It is 32 degrees outside right now.
I have to apologize to all family and friends that I've been severly neglecting, while in school. It's NOTHING PERSONAL.
I am so grateful for all the phone calls, cards, letters and emails. Truly, I am. My schedule is such, that, I really don't have much time to call or write you back. IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO. The only part of my day that I get to have to myself is on the bus and when I get home. When I get home, though, is when I need to do homework or I'm just so tired that I need to go to bed.
I'm running low on sleep and sanity, these days. Forgive me if I may seem brief or harsh. The weight of school is bearing down on me and there's no relief in sight.
I love you all and am so, so, so thankful for your understanding.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005I Still Got It
Okay, real quick. This morning, as I battled this nasty weather (which really wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so damn windy), I boarded the bus as usual. Two stops away, however, a guy boarded the bus. I noticed his big-ass umbrella as we pulled up, so I continued to watch him. "Where did he get that;" "I wonder if it's too hard to handle with the wind;" are thoughts that ran through my mind. Then, "WHOA, he's cute."
He saw me, and started to walk toward my area of the bus. He sat a few feet in front of me, at an angle toward my direction. He kept looking at me. Finally, I smiled and he smiled back. Now, if I was a single girl, this might be the time when I start to panick. Should I look away? Do I say something? I wonder what stop he's going to get off at. He kept looking at me.
Luckily, I'm not a single girl so none of these thoughts went through my mind. Okay, the one about which stop he was going to get off at, did. I had decided to ride the bus all the way into the station this morning so I could stop at the bank. Usually, I get off one stop before, at Cambridge Common.
Cambridge Common approached. He stood up and looked at me, again. I looked back. Usually I would get off here. Do I abandon the bank and see where he's headed? No, what would be the point? He picks up his umbrella. It has HARVARD and the logo on the side of it. He's a student. What school, I wonder.
I watch him deboard the bus and head off in a different direction than I would have gone. I decide this is a good thing.
In my single, non-boyfriend, life I would have treated this whole experience differently. I wouldn't have been so casual - I would have DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Granted, I would have nearly pissed my pants in the process, but still.
I'm so glad I don't have to deal with weird, possibly akward, men situations. I have someone who still makes my heart race and who I know loves me, at home. Thoughts of him help me get through the roughest of days and are a constant reminder that I'm not alone - even in stormy weather.
I love my girl-friend life and would never trade it in for singlehood.
Yesterday was cold. Every breath in was a pierce to my lungs. I could see my breath all day. Last night I walked home in the rain and cold. By the time I got to my apartment, my nose was numb.
We're in for a cold winter beating, today, too. Worse, actually. Boston is expected to have record levels of rainfall. Again, we probably won't break 50 degrees (in temp). The wind doesn't help. News reporters are telling us, "if you don't have to go out, don't." That doesn't make me feel better ~ I have to go out ALL DAY! I have class! And I have work! I won't be heading home until after 9pm!
The only saving grace is the fact that this is a fast-moving storm. Meaning, this will only last one day. Uh huh. Makes me feel A LOT better.
...It's supposed to be foggy in L.A. today...
Monday, October 24, 2005One Year Celebration
Well, this little experiment of a blog has now reached its 1 year anniversary.
Looking back on posts over the last year, I have to say that I surprise even myself. That I've let the world into my life (even for just a glimpse) is still strange. My goal, initially, was to prove that even "normal girls" have abnormal experiences. Some of us have trouble with this whole growing up thing, finding love, figuring out who we are, and answering some of those big questions of WHY? In a way, this blog has been therapeutic ~ allowing me to vent about frustrations of daily life, or as a way to stay in touch with "home" (however I choose to define it in any given day).
It's also strange to see how much my life has changed over the past year. I have grown up. I've accomplished big goals and am pursuing big dreams. I've found love. And while the bigger questions have not changed much, my perspectives have. If anything, it's been an interesting way to document life - where I've been and where I'm going.
Happy Birthday Blog.
Sunday, October 23, 2005It's Raining It's Pouring... Nobody Is Snoring
Last night, before I went to bed, the rain had started coming down. I love the sound of rain; especially when you get to snuggle into bed and listen to it as you fall asleep. Ah, bliss.
I woke up at 3:20am, to my phone. Blair had called to tell me something, thinking that I would either not answer the phone or sleep right through it. We talked for about ten minutes before we hung up. Trying to wake up to have a coherent conversation was hard enough, but trying to get back to sleep, afterwards, was harder. It was a good half hour before I fell back to dream-land. Why, you ask?
The storm that I had fallen asleep to so peacefully only hours before had turned into a giant wrath of Mother Nature. My eyes were closed, but I kept seeing white flashes. (I was still not 100% there.) I realized, before long, that those flashes were bolts of lightening right outside my window. I have NEVER seen lightening like that. It illuminated my entire apartment. ..And then came the thunder. I live in the mid-section of a twenty-something floor building. My room was shaking of the thunder's vibrations. I'm not kidding. It was THAT LOUD and THAT STRONG.
I can't really remember the last time I was afraid of thunder and lightening - maybe as a kid? Last night, I was scared. I kept imagining that the lightening bolts were going to find out that I was afraid of them, so they were going to purposefully find me and zap me. In my bed, I would be electrocuted.
When the lightening would go, there would be the dread of waiting for the thunder. Sometimes it would be right away - not much waiting; while other times would be torture.. just waiting... Some would be louder and scarier than others. BOOM. BOOOOOOM. GRRR. BOOOM. After a while, I pulled the blankets up over my head. I'm serious people, I WAS SCARED. I wanted to call Blair back, just to tell someone what was happening - so he could protect me from 3,000 miles away. But then I thought that sneaky lightening would have the perfect excuse to zap me - damn cell phones. And, I didn't want him to think I was totally nuts - which he already knows, but still.
Somehow, I managed to get back to sleep. I don't know how long the thunder and lightening lasted - five minutes? Five hours? I'm a little uneasy today and keep checking the grounds outside the building - you know, for damage. I want some sort of proof that it really was as bad as I thought it was. Thank God other people are talking about it, too. I know I can be neurotic at times, but this was just ridiculous.
Friday, October 21, 2005Who Cries Over Groceries?
After talking with my parents last weekend, my mom told me that she was sending a care package. I truly had no idea what to expect. A failed attempt earlier in the week led to a knock on my door just before 8am today.
A tall guy greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. He was standing next to three green bins which had their lids on them. He opened the lids and started bringing grocery bag after grocery bag into my kitchen. I stood there, in my towel (I was getting out of the shower when the knock came), STUNNED.
After he left, I stood in my kitchen looking at all the food that had been placed on my countertops. Then I started crying. I cried and laughed the entire time I was putting the items away: hummus, green olives, bacon, orange juice, crackers, salad, vegetables, cheese, tea, vitamins, pasta, paper towels, chapstick, deli meat, butter, waffles, AND MORE... I cried and cried - just feeling overwhelmed.
Being a college student is tough - you barely have time to eat right. My mom used to take me grocery shopping when I would come home from school; probably just to ensure that I ate decent food every now and then. On those off times when we wouldn't go shopping, she would load up saved grocery bags of food from the fridge and send me on my way.
I forgot about the little tid-bit of poor eating when I came back to school. Cheap soup is now a staple of my diet. On top of that, I don't have transportation to a grocery store. The 1.5 mile walk to the closest store isn't that tough - but the walk home with bags of food is. So, my parents brought the groceries to me. And I was truly overwhelmed. My tummy and my heart are full already.
Thank you, so much, mom and dad. This was better than I could have asked for. I love you both so much and continue to be surrounded by your love. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thursday, October 20, 2005Follow-up
Just a quick follow-up to the group get-together over the weekend.
Two guys from the cohort came over so we could discuss ideas for our presentation. They didn't stay long, mostly because it was Sunday and we all had other things to do. Plus, we need to meet with our professor to really get a handle on what we are supposed to be doing (that will happen tomorrow, at 11:30am). Things went fine, though, and they even commented on how clean the place looked. (YES! That means that I did a good job of hiding all the crap that had piled up on my dining room table.)
SO YESTERDAY, a different guy from the cohort invited me to have lunch with him. We got to talking and he said that he KNEW how nice my place was. (He even said, "Yeah, I've heard about your place!") Ummm... apparently, the two guys that came over have been talking to other people in the program about my apartment! Great. What are people saying? Because, of course, I'm now paranoid.
Guess I won't be having anyone over for a while. I feel akward now.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round
You never know who you're going to meet. Sometimes, people can affect you in a matter of minutes. Such was the case of the old lady on the bus today.
As I boarded the 8:45am bus from my building to go into school, I sat next to a woman who looked like she wouldn't talk much. I'm not one for getting into conversations with strangers if I don't have to - I usually bring a book to avoid conversation, but was still trying to wake up this morning. After sitting in a few minutes of traffic, the nice old lady turns to me and asks which bus route we are on. I tell her and ask where she is hoping to go. She replies that she's trying to get home - she had an early morning doctor appointment.
She goes on to tell me that she can't find any good places to go shopping around here. I agree. (I'm now thinking that maybe she's new to the area, like me, and hasn't figured out where things are just yet.) So I ask, "how long have you been here?" She tells me: three years.
I'm stunned. She's lived here for three years and she doesn't know the bus route or the local shopping malls? My question about how the old people get around and what do people do for fun is put to rest - old people don't go out unless they can walk to wherever they want/need to go. Fun is not in the vocabulary. I figure, I'm SCREWED.
She keeps chit-chatting. In no time, I learn that she moved to Cambridge to be with her son who has developed MS and has limited mobility. I also learn about her husband and what types of ailments he had before he died. I learn that she is a mom of three boys. I learn that she was a teacher (of art, kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade, and middle school) for 35 years. And at the end of those 35 years, she got a plaque - to prove it.
It's that whole teaching part that got me. I'm in love with the 80-something year-old woman sitting next to me on the bus.
I have no doubt she was an excellent teacher. She was patient, kind, and had that "warm" personality that most of us remember of our kindergarten teachers. I tell her she's a lucky woman - and a good mom. She smiles at me and starts to tell me of some of the students she had over the years. She says that she would like to have a reunion with all of them - just to know how they turned out.
Before long, she realizes that her stop is coming up and she gets up to move toward the door. I'll get off the bus one stop away. I tell her it was a pleasure to meet her and talk with her. She says something nice to me, too. Then, she descends down the bus steps.
As the bus pulls away, she's on the sidewalk looking back at me through the fogged-up windows. She smiles with those kind eyes and gives a wave. I smile and wave back, too.
I never got her name. But I'll always remember her face. Although she wasn't my teacher, I think I learned something on that bus this morning: you never know how you're going to impact the lives of others.
Cheers to all the teachers out there.
Monday, October 17, 2005Count Backwards From 234
I know I must be crazy, but I really miss working full-time. Being a student is definitely more stressful, with longer hours and less money. At least when I was working full-time, I could come "home" at the end of the day and be DONE with it. No more stress ~ I could leave the day behind.
Now, though, when I get home my night is just beginning. My day, in essence, NEVER ENDS. There is always work to do - more and more work. More and more to read, more papers to write, more research to be done, more study groups to attend... I'm exhausted.
I'm only a month (plus a few days) into my program. The work is going to get progressively harder as the semester continues.
GRADUATION is 234 days away... I'm already counting the days. I hope I can make it.
Friday, October 14, 2005Wishes
I have a friend who once told me, if you want something you have to put it out there for the universe to know about.
I don't know why, but her advice struck a chord with me. A resounding chord that I take with me everyday. I especially take it to heart when there is something that is particularly on my mind or in my bones. That being said, there are a few things that I want to put out there for the universe. But not today. And maybe not here... I'm still allowed a few private moments - a few private wishes.
Thursday, October 13, 2005Does This Mean I Have To Clean?
There is a likely chance that people will be coming over to MY place this weekend for a study-group, get together. OH MY GOD. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. Besides Blair and the maintenance guys who come and remove boxes from my doorway, nobody has seen my place!
I feel the need to clean. I need wine. I need beer. I need chips. I need to finishing hanging things on my walls.
But right now, I really need to pee (maybe because I'm so happy that I get to entertain people?).
Tuesday, October 11, 2005My New Home
Sorry it took so long to get a picture up here. This is a photo of my new apartment complex.
For those that don't know, it's been raining in New England... and it's going to continue throughout the week. To make it worse, it's kinda cold - like highs in the mid-50s to low 60s. And there's wind - gusts of up to 40 mph.
I never really minded rain at home, but taking public transit in "weather" sucks. The people block up the entrances/exits of commuter T stations - trying to avoid the inevitable weather just in front of them. Vendors, too, have moved all their produce, flowers, artwork, and more, just inside said doorways. Puddles are in the streets as wide and as deep as mini ponds. One has to be careful walking in the streets - one wrong step and you'll find yourself on your ass. People are slipping and sliding all over the place. Flooding has done some damage to a few states.
If this is a *glimpse* of what is to come when winter strikes, I'm going to be a very bitter woman.
So after my weekend romp in L.A., I made the journey back to New England. Not without delay, however. My flight was initially delayed over 2 hours (which ended up being 3 hours when all was said and done) so by the time I got back to my apartment, it was late and I was tired. (I was later reminded, however, that I should NOT be tired since I was just "sitting around" all day. YEAH...? WELL... shut up.)
Flights were delayed (and continue to be delayed this morning) due to the Colorado snow storms and the wet weather along the East Coast. I guess I should be glad that I actually got back. Others were not so lucky. Some folks had delays of up to 4 hours; some sleeping in terminals, even. Including one of my professors. She got stuck in a terminal someplace where flights were cancelled. THAT means, yes, class this morning has been cancelled. I only wish I had checked my e-mail last night to find out this news. Instead, I woke up at 6:30am, got ready, ate breakfast, and was just about to head out the door when I checked e-mail. You do realize, I could have been sleeping right now, right?
Oh well. I guess this just gives me more time to squeeze in extra reading. Because there is NEVER enough time for more reading.
Friday, October 07, 2005Cracks Me Up, Still
While sitting in class last Wednesday...
Professor: Chris is male.
Student sitting next to me, without missing a beat: Questionable?
Me: LAUGHS OUT LOUD
Monday, October 03, 2005This Is Why I Need A Man
If you could have seen what I just went through, you would understand why I need a man... I was even laughing at myself.
I got a rack in the bike room (YAY)! So, I put the sticker on it, figured out how to get there (go down to G2 - which is not accessible by every elevator - turn right down one corridor, turn left down another, go through the exit door, make another right, say hello to the Egyptians on your way to BFE) and finally I made it. The bike room is... a garage/storage room where bikes are on the walls EVERYWHERE. And almost every bike is ON THE WALL. I find my space and try to figure out how the hell I'm going to put my bike on the wall.
After thinking about the situation - which included trying to figure out how I'm going to haul the thing up there, manuever between the other two bikes which are on either side, and how after I get it up there I'm going to LOCK it in place... I decided to just do it. That's what Nike always said - just do it. So, I did it. Or rather, I tried it.
It turns out I'm not the strongest (physically) woman on the planet and my bike is heavier than I thought it was. Mind you, it's a little warm outside and I'm wearing a tank top. I tried to rest the weight of the bike on my shoulder while turning the front tire in place. After about 5 attempts, I had to rest. Even God rested. At this point, I'm looking around to make sure there are no cameras around which could be taping me in my moments of glory. (There are cameras in the elevators which I am accutely aware of - not because I would ever doing anything wrong, but just KNOWING someone is watching me makes me a little weird.) After a little while, I attempt it again. A few tries later, I had the bike on the wall.
It's my day off, so I haven't showered. And now I'm sweating because of my lack of strength. And I'm wearing the tank top so my right shoulder is covered in tire marks and bike dirt. My muscles are shaking because of the strain. My hair is a mess, my clothes are mess and I stink. I know, I know, I AM CUTE.
I've just made it up to my apartment and am laughing at my accomplishment. I swear, even though it was just a bike, I feel as though I just climbed Mount Everest. ...Little things, people, excite me...
This, though, is the reason why I need a man in my life; so that I don't have to worry about the bike on the wall. Seriously, after what I just went through I don't want to take it off the wall to ride! It's too much work to get it back up there.