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By visiting this site, you read at your own risk. I am known for errors in grammar and spelling. If you become less intelligent by reading this site, become incredibly bored, or are disgusted by what you read - you were warned. Furthermore, I will not be held responsible for ANY mental, emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual damage to you, your friends, your family or strangers. I apologize to my friends and family if I embarrass you. I reserve the right to edit any and all comments on this blog. I also reserve the right to humiliate you if you dare say anything negative about me, my friends, my family, or strangers who I like.
Monday, January 31, 2005Ten Second Rule?
Today I managed to gross myself out - which takes a lot of doing.
I had gone to lunch with my regular "crew," including the boss. Afterwards, I came back and promptly stuck the ever-so-refreshing peppermint candy in my mouth (working with the public, you never know who is going to come in). But of course not ten seconds after I put it in my mouth, a very important phone call came in and was ANNOUNCED TO ME. I didn't know what to do with the mint! I was panicked about the call and now, I've got a mint! Uh oh! Where do I put it? What do I do? So I did the only rational thing a girl could think of - I spit it out into my hand and held it there while I took the call.
Afterwards, I looked at my red and white striped palm and thought I'm disgusting. (Then of course it fell to the floor where it stuck to the blue carpet. It was then that I realized that there was absolutely no hope of salvaging my candy. Dammit.)
I'm going to be a horrible mother one day.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
The love and support of family and friends is something that can never be taken for granted.
I was no more reminded of that than as recently as last January.
It was an ordinary Friday, just like any other. I was exhausted from the work week and was looking forward to visiting with my friend’s 10-day old baby over the weekend. Instead, I got a call from my brother at 5:15pm that afternoon, saying that my parents had been in a head-on collision on the freeway. My life literally stopped as I heard that my mom was airlifted to the hospital and my dad was taken by ambulance. I had no idea if my parents were alive or if they would survive their injuries. The 210 freeway was shut down as the emergency crews worked to save my parents from my brother’s 1966 mustang.
I cannot begin to describe to you the anguish that I felt. I literally pulled over to the side of the road, got out of my car, told my brother that I would call him back, and had a physical, emotional, and mental breakdown on some poor woman’s front lawn. The idea of having lost both of my parents in a single day was too much for me to comprehend - I just cried, and puked, and screamed to God for help. In an instant my life was turned upside down. Before I knew it, a friend from work and my boss were by my side, helping me to stand and trying to understand the situation. They made phone calls for me and they drove three hours in Friday traffic to get me to my parents. I was never so emotional, yet so appreciative, of my friends as I was on January 30th, 2004.
It’s incredible the things that we remember. I asked my mom, when I saw her, what she had thought of in those last few moments before they hit the wall. She looked at me and said, “the sky was blue and we weren’t going to live through this.” That was it. I am so thankful that my parents are alive today to tell me how much they love me and for me to show them how much I love them. The weeks after the accident were filled with phone calls to the insurance company, phone calls to the tow yard, police reports, phone calls to family and friends, phone calls from family and friends, disability paperwork, hospital bills, hospital visits, insurance claims, hiring of housekeepers, hiring of gardeners, hiring of in-home hospice care, grocery shopping, laundry, picking up relatives from the airport, and so many intangibles - it was incredible. And I had to do it. I had to do it all on my own and without any emotion. I became a non-stop machine - always trying to think ahead and trying to figure out what was best for my parents, for the house, in trying to maintain some sense of “normalcy” for my younger brother, and trying to keep my sanity.
Growing up, I remember a saying that my parents had taped to our refrigerator. It said, “True character is revealed when you come face to face with adversity.” I must have looked at that saying for years before I truly found out its meaning. This was no more of a greater example: TRUE CHARACTER IS REVEALED WHEN YOU COME FACE TO FACE WITH ADVERSITY.
I experienced one of the most traumatic times in my life at the prospect of losing both of my parents. I can’t tell you how blessed my family is. There was a renewed sense of faith in our non-religious family that I can’t describe. All I can say is that something greater has been watching over us and loving us.
It's been exactly one year since the accident. My parents are mostly healed from their injuries; although remnants and memories still remain. I can't drive past the accident spot without looking at the marks on the side of the wall and remembering... My dad still has a few missing teeth ~ which is great to make fun of him for ~ but is a constant reminder. My family is probably closer than we have been in a long time. Going through things like this, together, only makes those bonds stronger.
I still cry over what happened. The scared feelings that I had; those overwhelming days of doubt and insecurity; and of course the idea that I could have lost my parents so easily.
Anyway, I just felt I had to write this.
Mom & Dad, 2004
There's always a fine time for wine!
Thursday, January 27, 2005I'll See You In Athens
As I'm well into my twenties, I've come to a more mature state-of-mind. Or at least, I like to think so. There are certain unalienable truths that one comes to appreciate with such age and experience. Many of these truths can be found in my self-indulged pleasure of Sex and the City. I won't apologize for liking the show and finding a little bit of myself in each episode.
That being said, I sat and watched an older episode of the show a few nights ago. I loved the end - when Carrie's voiceover comes in and leaves the audience with these thought-provoking words:
"They say life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.
But sometimes, life is what happens when you're waiting for a table."
I've always been a "planner" - it gives me solace, piece of mind, and makes me think that I'm in some sort of control. We all know that's not true, but I try.
Some things, however, cannot be planned. You can't plan to fall in love, you can't plan when you're going to have a baby (well most of us can't), you can't plan your death (unless you're thinking of something really dark), and you certainly can't plan what other people are going to do, say, and/or how they'll react.
The best part of my life is the not knowing. While I try to plan things - just in case - I'm really excited to find out where this crazy roller coaster of a ride is taking me. Maybe Harvard, maybe Paris, maybe Athens Greece on July 21st of 2008.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005Something New
It's amazing to me how lucky I can be at times. I have an incredible knack for meeting people and having an instant *snap of the fingers* connection with them. I have four good friends who that has happened with and now, a SOMEONE.
I met this SOMEONE very recently and all of a sudden, my Life has turned upside down. He's THAT amazing and I am THAT happy.
I remember telling a friend, a long time ago, what it was I wanted in a man. I told her that I was looking for a best-friend, a partner in every aspect of life, someone who would be a great supporter and a great challenger at once, someone who would see past the surface and who would know ME, someone to fall asleep with, and ultimately someone to grow old with.
I don't know if that is something that just happens, but it certainly is something worth exploring.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Ah, sweet pea, I can't believe a year has already come and gone. You have been a true blessing and I'm so proud to be your "aunt". Your smile brightens my day. I love to "talk" with you on the phone and hear you tell me all about your day. I love to hold you close and watch you grow. Each day brings new adventures and more love.
I will love you forever and always, and then some.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005BUGS, UGH!
I don't understand advertising.
I saw a truck with huge letters that read "BUGS, UGH!" on the side of it. It's easy to identify the company, remember the name, know what kind of work they do, and all that jazz, but couldn't someone have been just a little more creative? Come on!
Commercials, these days, are the worst. There are too many bad t.v. and radio commercials it's just gotten pathetic. Beer companies seem to be the only ones left who hire interesting writers. The worst are definitely the mattress ads and the car commercials. WHERE DID ALL THE CREATIVITY GO?
I just don't get it. Maybe all the bugs (ugh!) got to the creativity and chewed it up... Who knows...
Tuesday, January 18, 2005AHHH! My Eyes! I'm Blinded!
So, today because it was sunny and b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l in Southern California, I decided to wear a skirt to work. I chose the conservative, yet interesting, long skirt to accompany the oh-so-cool (and makes my breasts look great) sweater. However, I realized my fashion faux as I walked out to my car with a colleague who tells it like it is. As we're in the parking lot, she starts laughing and proceeds to tell me something lika dis:
Her: Giggle, giggle.
Her: Well, I just realized that you weren't wearing nylons.
Me: Yeah... So?
Her: Your feet are so white, it looks like you're wearing nylons or socks. Giggle, giggle.
Me: (Looking down to see the awful horror) Yeah, that is pretty funny. I guess you can still tell that it's winter. My feet haven't seen the sun in a while.
I thought about that for the next ten minutes. Obsessing, of course, over how many other people may have thought that about my feet throughout the day.
There's no question about it - I'll be wearing boots tomorrow to work, FOR SURE.
Monday, January 17, 2005Killing Me Softly
For anyone who still reads this, my apologies for not having written since last Wednesday. I have no excuses - well, none that are legitimate.
Thursday came and went...
Friday came and went...
Saturday my mom came out to spend some time with me. Then she took me back to "the house" for the rest of the weekend. I did absolutely nothing except sit/lay on the sofa bundled up in a blanket and watch bad t.v. movies.
Sunday was like Saturday...
Monday was like Sunday except my parents drove me back to my place.
Ta Da, and there you have it. Now, I'm checking e-mail and getting ready to see what TiVo has blessed me with... it's like a new present... checking TiVo to see what good shows are going to waste hours of my time... WHOO HOO!
One thought occurred to me today that I thought I would make mention of: Ten years ago today (January 17th, 1995) Joe sent me a bouquet of flowers to celebrate our four-month-anniversary mark (which in high school was a BIG DEAL). That was to be the first of many flowers that he would give/send to me. ...Now that I think about it, though, I haven't gotten flowers from a guy in a really long time...
To top it off, Valentine's Day is coming. G-R-E-A-T. (Insert a roll of the eyes here.)
Wednesday, January 12, 2005Oh, Wise Fortune Cookie
I have a fortune cookie that I have taped to my wall. It says,
We must always have old memories and young hopes
How true, wise cookie, how true.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005Finally, She Closes The Door
I am lucky enough to have my own office at work. Even more, I'm lucky to have a whole wall-side of my office that is big picture windows. I raise the blinds every day to watch the world spin. Or, as the case may be, the rain flood the parking lot outdoors. (Sidebar: You know, a lot of people speculate that California is in danger of having a massive earthquake that would leave those of us along the San Andreas Fault Line breaking off into the Pacific Ocean. A stupid notion, but whatever. I think we are in greater danger of being drowned - where the rain water itself would put us into the rising Pacific with the recent amounts of rain we've all had...)
The only downfall of my fabulous office is that I have two doors - one that leads to our main office and one that leads to another colleagues office. I really hate sharing a door to another office. I mean, REALLY, REALLY hate it. I hate people walking through our offices, I hate the fact that I can hear her on the phone every day (personal calls, I'm talking about), I hate that I feel I can never have my own private space, blah, blah, blah. I shut the adjoining door every morning but my neighbor complains about it - saying she wants the "natural light" to come into her office. Fine. But I REALLY don't like it.
Today I was annoyed with the music that was being played in another office and of my neighbor singing (badly) a little too loud. So, I put on my own music. And turned up the volume just a little too loud (too loud for her liking that is). After about five minutes, she came and shut our adjoining door; without saying a word.
A smile crept over my face as I realized the power of my music. (Thank you Green Day!)
Monday, January 10, 2005So Far, 2005 Sucks
About an hour ago, I made a phone call to my brother. I had told him that I would call him tonight...
In the course of our conversation, he told me that he's being sent to Iraq. Fallujah, to be exact, for 14 months. He waited 11 days to tell me and I'm the last to know, apparently. I'm sad for him and for my family. I can't really go into too much detail about how I'm feeling - sometimes, there are just no words.
To top it off, he then told me that he plans to get engaged to his girlfriend before he leaves in June. Did you read the post about him JUST turning 19? I thought there were moments when my brother was an idiot, but this takes the cake. I'm not supportive of this decision, if you hadn't guessed.
It's hard to know what to say in moments like these. They sort of sneak up and bite your ass off. If I didn't have my own problems to take care of at the moment, I'm sure I would be more outraged. Right now, I just don't care. Fuck it all. And fuck HIM for making stupid choices. I love him dearly, but it's getting harder and harder to support him.
Sunday, January 09, 2005Low-Maintenance Kind Of Life
I consider myself a "no frills" kind of girl. I've often told others that I think I'm relatively low-maintence, which usually leads to a snort and some sort of twisted smile from the person I happen to be talking to. But, really, I don't think I'm that hard to manage... Here's just 10 reasons why:
1. I can be ready in five hours or five minutes - give me a time and place and I'll be there.
2. I like to just hang out. I don't need to be doing something every minute of every day.
3. I am rather independent ~ so, I don't need to be taken care of all the time (I'm a big girl, on most days). That's not to say a nice/thoughtful gesture is not appreciated...
4. I have low expectations of others; anything that is done for me comes as a surprise and I'll adore you for days.
5. I like sports and don't need to have the remote in hand to be happy.
6. I don't wear smelly lotions, nor do I care much for smelly products.
7. In my shower, you will find soap, shampoo, conditioner, and a razor. Does the rubber ducky count?
8. With the exception of seafood, I'll eat just about anything you put in front of me.
9. I don't like shopping.
10. I don't own a bazillion pairs of shoes and I try to rid the closet of un-worn clothing about twice a year (give it to Goodwill, of course).
So, I'm not really a "girlie-girl" and I don't think I'm high-maintenance. Who knows - maybe it's all just relative to experience and expectations.
Saturday, January 08, 2005Ugg(s)...
Today, Carrie and I were out getting some lunch. A girl passed by and both of us just gave each other that "knowing look" that says, "THAT GIRL IS WEARING THE MOST HIDEOUS OUTFIT EVER AND SHE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC. REALLY, WHO WEARS PINK FAUX VELVET PANTS, WITH A LEOPARD-PRINT SILK SHIRT, DENIM JACKET, SUN-GLASSES LARGER THAN JACKIE O's, AND UGGS?" She should've been carried off by the clothes-police or just shot.
By the way, what is the infatuation with Uggs? Ladies, DON'T WEAR them. We live in L.A. folks - it's not that freakin' cold. (Cracks me up when they wear those things with a short mini-skirt and a jacket that is too sizes too big.)
Friday, January 07, 2005Girl Friends Make All The Difference
My friend, Carrie, is coming in for a visit this weekend! She's coming solo, so that we can have some quality "girl time" and I couldn't be happier. I've missed my friend sooo much. I can't wait to just sit around and do what we do best: talk, catch up on Life, hug, and LAUGH. There are those friends who are just a special part of your life ~ it's a reminder of how much we need each other.
The best part is that I get to fly up and see her again just two weeks after that! Katelyn, her daughter, is turning the big O-N-E and I'll be there for the birthday celebration.
My mom sent me these words about friends, this past Wednesday (written by an unknown author). I think it rings true: (PS - thanks, MOM)
When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman. And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends. One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man. Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be. One friend will say let's pray together, another let's cry together, another let's fight together, another let's walk away together. One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings. But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ... those are your best friends. It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many it's wrapped up in several ... one from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs, on some days your mother, on others your sisters, and on some days your daughters. So whether they've been there 20 minutes or 20 years, (take the time to recognize) the women that God has placed in your life to make a difference.
Thursday, January 06, 2005The Ick
For a long time, my (girl) friends and I have used a term to describe other people. Typically, it's past boyfriends or guys we've met along the way who now give us, THE ICK. You know who they are: the ones who give you that icky feeling; who can make your blood curl; a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach (almost as if you want to puke); a spontaneous reaction where your shoulders come up to your ears and your spine contorts into a weird position. THE ICK.
Sometimes you can get THE ICK after knowing and dating someone for weeks, or sometimes you can get it just by a first encounter. It's like a disease that nobody wants to talk about - there's no concrete definition for it, no cure for it and no real answer to it's symptoms... Rather, it's something that just develops.
I've known many people who now have THE ICK. The scary part is knowing that I may have THE ICK to someone else.. that's so disheartening. I don't want to be icky to anyone. Then again, nobody does.
Wednesday, January 05, 200580's Dancing Queen
Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE THE 80's. Especially the music that came from the 80's. Pop, rock, big-hair bands, all of it...
Every now and then, one of the local radio stations (STAR 98.7) has an all-80's weekend. Or, as is the case that I'm about to talk about, an 80's countdown. The weekend of New Year's was all about the countdowns - counting down favorite moments from the year, favorite videos, favorite headlines, favorite songs, favorite celebrity infractions, you name it. Well, this particular weekend was when STAR counted down the 80's (voted on by the listeners).
Okay, so anyone who knows me also knows how much I love to dance. I'm not all that good, but I do have fun. So, if you combine good 80's music with a freak who loves to dance, what do you get? THE 80's DANCING QUEEN! Even though I was alone in my bedroom, dancing to my heart's content, playing the air guitar while singing into my pretend microphone... Damn, I was a rockstar!
For those of you who like to reminisce and sing as much as I do, here are a few great words of inspiration...
Party on people!
Monday, January 03, 2005Finally Feels Like Winter
For the past week or so, it has been raining. And I love it. I especially love it when it's time to go to bed and I hear the sound of the rain on the window. I could fall asleep to that sound any night.
Today, I got to wear a rain coat, a scarf, boots AND bring my umbrella to work! I was so happy about it (not too happy about the traffic that goes with it, but still). I remember as a kid when we would have rainy day school schedules. At lunch, the whole cafeteria would play a game of Heads Up Seven Up. (And no, I was never one of those who would cheat by peeking at the person's shoes.) It was so much fun. It sort of forced everyone to stay bonded and close together. Maybe that's why I still like the rain - it's a chance for everyone to come together, commiserate over the weather, bundled up, and then go get a cup of hot chocolate.
Speaking of which... if you bring the marshmallows, I'll make the hot chocolate... Who is with me?