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Saturday, September 30, 2006Thoughts From The Road
I’ve been up since 6:15am. Being awake that early on a Saturday is not my cup of tea. But I decided to wake up early so that I could meet a friend for breakfast before heading to the airport. I am in Boston (my 2nd home, away from home) for work.
My friend never showed up. I tried calling her, twice, but without luck. I hope she’s okay – I still haven’t heard from her. We had made plans the night before and we agreed on the location (my hotel) and the time (8:00am). By 8:30am, I headed downstairs to get something before leaving for the airport. So I ate breakfast alone in the hotel restaurant. I couldn’t help but notice that every patron in the place was white – while every worker (hostess, servers, bus-boys, and chefs) was someone of a cultural minority. I felt awkward. My awkwardness was not alleviated by my seating assignment. As usual, being a lonely diner gets you seated in the back corner of the restaurant – almost as if the place is embarrassed to have you as a guest. “You loser, you don’t DESERVE to dine with us alone. Go get yourself some friends.” But I have plenty of friends around here and was even supposed to be having breakfast with one of them. Alone, I sat, sans friend – watching.
I’m now at the airport. Early. I’m always early. If I’m even five minutes later than early, I get stressed. I feel better sitting in the airport chairs, knowing that as soon as the board at the gate lights up with my destination, I’m where I’m supposed to be. Early.
I’ve been sitting in this rocking chair for over an hour; reading. Every now and then I look up at the planes sitting on the tarmac outside – the big picture windows looming before me. Pastor Bob and his wife (who apparently has no other name than WIFE) are sitting beside me, reading the paper and lost in their thoughts. There are a few of us who have been here a while. Some of them are annoyingly loud – usually those who are on their cell phones making the big and important calls. I just sit and occasionally shoot an annoyed glance in their direction.
I’m tired of reading. I’m tired of sitting. I’m tired of traveling. I’ve only been on the road since Tuesday and I’ve got two more weeks left. ...TWO WEEKS... This is the first time that I have not looked forward to the travel season. This is my sixth year of doing this and I dread every minute of it. I want to go home. I want to sleep-in on the weekends (like I should have done today), eat home-cooked meals, sit in my office, drive my new pretty car, and make plans with Blair. I am so sad that it’s brought me to the brink of tears a few times, just today.
Nearly every ten minutes, I check my e-mail – hoping to be loved. I would probably be excited if I got spam mail at this very moment. But, no such luck. I keep seeing the opened messages from the last few days. Somebody write to me – tell me you’re thinking of me and wishing that I was home as much I am wishing it.
I check the e-mail during the brief intervals of reading. This book isn’t helping any. I’m reading about a lonely, self-loathing, pitiful, FAT girl, who is depressed. Quite frankly, I’m bored. Yet, I keep reading with a diminishing hope that she’ll stop whining and actually do something for herself. I hate self-pity.
Ah, Bob and Wife have left. They had a gate change.
My flight will be boarding soon. I’m off to New York for the next couple of days. Long Island, New York, to be specific. At least it’s a place that I’ve never been to before – so there is THAT. Blink, blink.