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Wednesday, May 10, 2006Wishing & Hoping & Praying (& Even A Little Bit Of Crying)
This is my last week as a student here. There are so many things going on, that I can't keep my head on straight. My stress level is through the roof and I don't have an ounce of creative juices left in my body. Plus, there are callouses that have developed on my hands from typing too many papers.
I've cried too many tears this week. Perhaps it's the exhaustion that is taking its toll. Regardless, I'm emotionally spent.
Nostalgia is beginning to set in, before I've left. I'm really sad about leaving this place; about saying good-bye to the life with ed-school-friends and school. I'm sad about leaving Cambridge. Mostly, I'm sad about closing another chapter in my book of life. While I know there is much to look forward to, things seem very foggy and unclear right now. I have no job. I have no money (and -loan- debt up the wazoo). I have no bedroom of my own. And I have no idea what is to come next.
Not having any sense of "control" is making things that much harder.
Today, in one of my classes, we got to "reflect" on our time here as a cohort. There were all kinds of warm fuzzies going on; but I just felt numb. I tried to take notes, because I have a paper due on this topic on Friday, but at the end of class all I had was a blank piece of paper staring back at me.
Lots of things seem blank these days. And it's not just the blank look on everyone's faces walking around the library. We're all in a daze - tired, confused, stressed, anxious.
I WISH I knew how to get out of this funk.
I HOPE that I will be able to enjoy these last few days.
I PRAY for sleep at night.
And I CRY over everything.
If there is a Chocolate-God out there, I could really use some support right about now.